No Grey Shirts

My husband was trying to get my four-year-old son dressed the other morning and he was JUST BEING SO DIFFICULT. (My son, that is, although possibly my husband as well, at least according to my son). I had all his clothing ready- a soft grey shirt, comfortable black pants, favorite yarmulkah, clean tzitzis (meaning only one stain on them), couldn’t be easier right? My son was refusing to wear the shirt. He ran back to his room and started pulling out all the other shirts from his drawer. He was dismissing them one at a time as the pile on the floor grew larger. I followed him in and tried to reason with a four-year-old. I know. But I did try. “Why don’t you like this grey shirt?” It’s so soft. You liked it last week.” My son was ignoring me as he reached for a blue and green striped shirt. It was a t-shirt and it was cold outside. I kept trying to get him to change. Finally, he looked up at me, the blue and green shirt pulled over his head already. “I can’t wear the grey shirt. Yesterday when Morah chose the chazan to lead the morning singing she chose a boy wearing grey. So today will be a different color.” Oh. OH! My little boy wanted to make sure he had a shot at being chosen as chazan, based on his shirt color, since it turns out that’s how Morah chooses. He wasn’t difficult. He was planning things out to increase his chances of leading the davening that morning. What a brilliant child.

Dr. Chaim Ginot in his book, “Between Parent and Child” writes, “behind every act of misbehavior is a legitimate need that is being expressed in an unacceptable way.”  Can we see the truth of that principle with a child refusing to cooperate, a spouse being overly particular about the way the dishwasher is loaded, a colleague who is consistently sarcastic? A humbling lesson in slowing down, being curious, and remembering that sometimes a shirt color is very important. Even when it’s short sleeves in the winter.